i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
