He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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