he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
