I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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