My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
