We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
