Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
