Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
