I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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