I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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