You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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