I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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