Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
