Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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