Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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