everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
