I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
