ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
