are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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