yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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