I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
