i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
