This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
