maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
