i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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