he shaved USA in his pubs
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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