I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
