i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Acid is not a monday night drug
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
