He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
