Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
