so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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