She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
