I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize