Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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