I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
