how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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