It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
