Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
