your thong is hanging out like whoa
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
