I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
