6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
