hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
