I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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