I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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