god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
