At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
