The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
