I wannas sexs uuuuu
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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