so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
