so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize