Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
