I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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