why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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