Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
