Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So vagazzling was a success
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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