just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
