ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
