last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
