It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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