The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
