Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
