using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
