There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
