This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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