I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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