If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How external is "for external use only"?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize